Death by Fitness


Aqua BootCamp Thoughts: (originally posted to FB Feb 2017)

9:10:enter the pool, people introduce themselves. they are friendly. they are all older than me. i appear “fitter” then half of them. half men/half women. class size: 10

9:11: instructor says “swim to the end and back” to warm up. UhOh. this is my usual entire pool exercise regimen. there are 59 minutes to go. this may have been a mistake.
9:15: after instructed to swim to the deep end and tread water with a ball over my head, I begin to panic. is this the Navy Seal class?? I am not in the Coast Guard. dear God what have I done.

9:16: instructor looks at me with pity and hands me a pool noodle to stay afloat while “treading water”. I am the only student needing a noodle. I suck.

9:20: straggler enters the pool. he weighs approximately 350#. looks unhealthy. I think to myself. maybe, just maybe I will be able to be better than him. (I am sort of competitive)

9:25: it is evident that I will absolutely not be able to keep up with him. he does have buoancy on his side, but apparently has much better lung capacity than me too.

9:30: how much longer? dear God I am sorry for all the bad things I ever did.

9:35: when told to do jumping jacks from the shallow end to the deep end I think…does this instructor realize that I will not be able to touch the bottom at some point? the others don’t seem to be concerned. I watch. Ummm I can’t do that.

9:40: very nice man strikes up a conversation: informs me that when he started, he was “the weakest person t
oo”. tells me I will improve. gives me hope while telling me I suck. I am afraid to ask him how long this improvement will take.

9:45: instructed to do the breast/breath stroke. I don’t know which it is. I never was a swimmer. I don’t know how to do that. everyone else does.

9:50: started planning my
funeral. I want American Girl by Tom Petty played.

9:55: instructor gets out the red “kickboards” I have a full blown flashback/panic attack from swim lessons at the outdoor pool in Brevard NC. I sucked at those too. think to myself: at least I won’t sink.

1005: more comments from classmates about how hard this class is but how good I’m doing. a thumbs up from Jim…the obvious social butterfly of the class…who is at least 65 with a beer gut and doing WAY better than me

1010: instructor says we are done. looks at 350# man and tells him he did a good job. does not look look at me and say this. other classmates realize this and tell me I did a good job. I know they don’t mean it, but again, they are a friendly group.

1015: walk out of pool area to find my husband waiting. have to restrain myself from falling into his arms and sobbing.

1030:  arrive home. check schedule to see when next class is.

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